I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
