whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
