Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Bring me that man meat
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
