Three words: puerto rican gang bang
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
