the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
