All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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