direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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