And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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