guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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