She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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