maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
