How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
