my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
