The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
