I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
