I'm sorry my penis didn't work
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I can't turn off my feet"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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