At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
