I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
