She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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