The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
