I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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