bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
