im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
