But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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