she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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