My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
