when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
