I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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