don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
