i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
