then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Randomize
