Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
