I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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