I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think my vagina is haunted
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
