i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
