he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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