guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
