I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
