Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
