so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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