I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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