My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
