I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
