Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
