Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
