The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
