I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I will pee on everything he values.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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