didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
