New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
