How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
