Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
