I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
