I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
