On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I should be sponsored by Trojan
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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